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| INSPIRATION BOOK |
Sometimes creativity can be a stubborn beast.
I have many “spells” of imaginative,
alternate-beautiful-universe-like magical episodes, where the littlest things
have the ability to make me percolate and pulsate with energy and fervor you
don’t dare try putting a lid on. Everything is glittery, I’m going “woohoo” in
my head (sometimes out loud), my inability to stop smiling has the potential to
make people straight up uncomfortable, and I want to hug and love everyone and
everything in sight.
Then there are times when I have inner turret syndrome and I’m
screaming inside my head, hiding in my cave (bedroom) so I don’t rub off all my
ugly energy. I won’t go deeper in detail for this side, don’t worry…
These wild energy swings are beyond frustrating. The
beautiful yin & yang concept I spoke of before is transformed into a
seriously exhausting emotional whiplash. I jump between superhero and zombie
with an unpredictable rapidness. This is me though, so I just roll with it the
best I can.
Lately I’d been feeling a little “under the weather”… (Obviously,
it’s February in New York) and couldn’t really get my grove back. I was still
thinking plenty of things and dreaming up all the stuff I want to plant, cook,
eat, wear, see, do, etc. but it was overwhelming and the incapability of acting
on anything gave me a feeling of powerlessness. Not being able to act on your
intentions can be so frustrating, can’t it? I felt stuck; blocked up. Argh. I
write down my thoughts and ideas as much as I can so I don’t forget them, but
this leaves me with unorganized pages of words that don’t really mean as
much to me when I look back on them weeks later. I find it hard to match that
initial enthusiasm and remember why I was so excited over those ideas in the
first place because new ideas have squeezed out the old.
Then I remembered something special my friend Geoffrey did
for me. Geoff is one of those people whose presence alone creates imaginary saxophone
music and brings the calmness of a glass of red wine. He’s one of the most
special people I’ve ever known…
Yearssss back, I had this similar feeling of powerlessness.
There were so MANY things I wanted to do that I couldn’t pick one and instead
sat in a puddle of helplessness and self-pity, wondering who the hell I was and
if I would ever get to accomplish anything I said I would. I was going through a
bad breakup, all my friends were off to school, and I just felt…lost. (This poem sais it well)
Geoffrey insisted I come over so he could make me dessert
and we could talk about it. We listened to Feist on his record player, drank my
dad’s hard cider; I talked and he listened..
Then he sat me down and made me close my eyes. I opened them
to a stack of magazines, a pair of scissors, and a brand new leather-bound
sketch book in front of me. “Cut out anything that inspires you or that you
love. We’re going to make a Caroline look-book. By the time we’re finished, you’ll
feel better and have an idea of who you are.” Geoff was my rock that night, making me sit long enough to figure stuff out and quit being a loose cannon.
This is something I continued to do for a while after that night. It’d been awhile, but last night I sat in my bed with some tea and candles, and cut & pasted into my book: prints I loved, flowers I wanted to grow, recipes…
Have you ever wished there was a recorder for your mind? A
visual one? A look book is a way of recording your best thoughts and the better
side of you. Anytime you feel down or lost, you can flip through this book and
visually see things that once inspired you and hopefully will regain that
again. Try it out. Plan your garden for the spring, things you want to build,
places you want to go, colors and smells you love... I promise you’ll feel
better and remember how special you are.
This morning's smoothie I decided is "summer in a cup":
1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk
1 tsp. maca powder
2 T chia seeds
1 T sunflower seed butter
1 tsp. MPO honey
A few mint leaves
Local bee pollen
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